This is the beginning of an actual email from the private highschool that I attended briefly before getting kicked firmly out at the beginning of grade 11.

“Dear Dirt Merchant:
Please click on the link below to receive your formal invitation to the portrait unveilings of:
Mrs. Kathleen Bruce, Headmistress 1962-1968
Mrs. Audrey Southam, Headmistress 1968-1971
…”

etcetera.